


If You Wish Hard Enough

by Kingscunt



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Harry Hart Lives, M/M, but its ok in the end, harry is an emotional bastard, why does it take death for these fuckers to tell each other they love eachother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-30 19:59:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10883889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kingscunt/pseuds/Kingscunt
Summary: The crisp air hits Eggsys face hard, his knuckles clenched inside his jacket arms, teeth chattering, trying to raise his body temperature in vain. It's colder than usual for only being in October, for London, anyway, but nothing will tear him away from Harrys grave.





	If You Wish Hard Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This was just a little one shot I did tonight. 
> 
> I'm so sorry to cause any pain.*
> 
>  
> 
> *Disclaimer - I'm really not.

The crisp air hits Eggsys face hard, his knuckles clenched inside his jacket arms, teeth chattering, trying to raise his body temperature in vain. It's colder than usual for only being in October, for London, anyway, but nothing will tear him away from this spot. 

He sits on the floor, staring at the blank, bleak headstone in the small graveyard at the back of the HQ. Kingsman agents that have no next of kin are buried here if they are killed on duty. Each agents headstone are completely blank stone - most other headstones have dead wilted flowers sitting in front of them, overgrown weeds that haven't been maintained in what looks like years. The only headstone that seems to be maintained is Harrys, which Eggsy takes care of. Nobody else bothers.

You spend your life protecting your country and this is how you're remembered. Disgusting. 

Absolutely heartbreaking. 

Eggsy shuffles, lays down in front of the grave, wrapping grass round his fingers. He stares at the stone slab - Harrys final resting home. For the fifth time that day, he feels the tears sting his eyes, and finds his mind begging for any way to bring the fallen man back. 

His body was never even bought back home. Merlin had sent 2 agents to go and collect him, but the body was never found. They presumed that Valentine had disposed of it. Eggsy couldn't even have peace knowing that Harry was at least laid to rest. 

What an awful way to die. 

He searches his pocket, pulls out a necklace with a small cross on it and places it carefully over the headstone. Eggsy knows Harry wasn't particularly religious, but he still likes to 'bring Harry gifts'. 

Merlin is worried about how much time Eggsy is spending at Harrys grave, but doesn't say anything. He knows how much the boy is grieving, and how people grieve differently. Eggsy visits every day if he can, the only days he doesn't visit is if he's on a mission in a different country. He stays there for at least 2 hours, laying there, staring in silence. 

Eggsy pulls his jacket tighter, as cool drops of rain hit his face. At least it hides the tears falling down his face.

Harrys smile and they way his dimples showed if he grinned, his awful humour, the encouragement he gave Eggsy no matter what. Eggsy will never see it again. Why is life so unfair? This man had put everyone and everything before him - and died in the most awful way. 

The wind and rain are getting stronger now, but Eggsy lays there still, feeling paralysed. A little rain won't deter him from staying with the love of his life. He feels safe here. Almost like Harry's watching. 

"I'm sorry," Eggsy whispers, "I'm sorry that our last conversation ended the way it did. I never meant for that to happen bruv, I just-" he takes a second to breathe in between the quiet sobs he lets out. "I build up my walls, I get defensive, I... I never meant to hurt ya like that guv, I never thought that'd be the last words I'd ever speak to ya'... And now I'll never be able to see your face again. I'd die just to see you one last time."

Rain batters Eggsy's face as lays there, sobbing uncontrollably. His eyes sting, his chest hurts from having to literally gasp for air. He's felt a lot of pain in his life: the abuse from Dean, the amount of beatings he's had to endure, the emotional pain of watching his mum go through what she did. The pain of rejection, and losing friends that just fucking used you. But he's never felt the heartbreaking torment that he suffers now. 

A month after Harrys death Merlin had offered Eggsy to take over his home, and initially, he agreed. He'd packed a bad of clothes and lugged it to the posh house in Stanhope Mews, and Roxy had gone with him after agreeing to stay the night to give Eggsy some support, but as soon as he opened the door, he regretted the idea. Everything was immaculate, just as it always has been. The problem was is that there was a very painful atmosphere - even though there were two people and a very yappy dog, and the house was covered head to toe in various nik naks and beautiful furniture, the house felt... Empty. Though the heating had been kept on, probably racking up a huge bill for the agency, it felt cold. This wasn't his home. It was, and will always be Harrys.

He ended up locking the house up and staying on Roxys sofa ever since. 

Looking at the time on his phone, Eggsy decides it's probably time to leave for the night. He's soaked from the rain - his clothes are muddy from the grass and he has a splitting headache from sobbing for the best part of 2 hours. 

"Goodnight, Harry. I love you."

He knows he'll be there tomorrow - just like he has been for the last two months. He picks himself up, shaking from the cold and anxiety, and walks out of the old, overgrown graveyard. His lungs sting with every breath of frigid air he takes. Eggsys vision is blurry, his mind in a haze. 

He decides to take a walk through London. Roxy gave him a key, and didn't care what time he was out till anyway, so there's no problem about that. He takes in his surroundings. Walking through Oxford Circus, the sound of rain crashing onto the pavements, the night buses driving past him. The people he walks past, giving him a weird look, for looking so scruffy. 

Eventually, Eggsy ends up finding himself standing on the end of Stanhope Mews. He doesn't know if he meant to walk here or if his mind subconsciously took him here. He stares at the house, mind blank, vision still half blurred... Until he realises something is very, very wrong. 

The front bedroom light in the house is on. 

Eggsy's adamant that he didn't turn on any lights when he was last at the house. Some bastard has broken in, and that fucker isn't getting away with it. 

He storms down the cobbled road, stumbling from the uneven stones a couple of times. He opens the door ever so quietly - he doesn't want to scare the intruder off, he wants to do the bastard in, and make sure they never see daylight again. Eggsy grabs one of the knives from the kitchen drawers and makes his way round the house, in desperate search of the intruder. 

What he sees in the study room makes him almost pass out. 

There are no words to explain how Harry is sitting at his desk, eyepatch covering one eye, scars covering his face. His hair is matted and his suit is torn and filthy. He looks exhausted and beaten. He looks like... A man that's lost all hope. Harry sits there, shaking, writing on a piece of paper. His handwriting that is usually immaculate is shaky and almost unreadable.

Harry looks up from his desk slowly to realise Eggsy standing there. 

"H-Harry..." Eggsy stutters. He holds onto the doorframe to keep himself standing. He cannot process this - surely his mind is playing tricks on him. Wishful thinking. Because no man just comes back from the fucking dead.

Harry grabs the cane resting next to his desk and pulls himself up. "Darling." Harry is not an emotional person in the slightest but there are tears rolling down his cheeks. 

Eggsy stands there staring at the battered man, processing everything that is happening. He doesn't know whether to be overjoyed, angry, confused... Harry Hart is standing fucking right in front of him. 

"How... What... How are you-" He cannot even string a sentence together. Nothing's changed in that sense, then. 

Harry sighs. "I literally got home an hour ago - I've been in hospital. In a coma." His voice breaks, and Eggsy sees a side of Harry he never thought he'd see. "The fucker shot me, and I was certain I'd die. I don't know how, I didn't ask questions, but I'd woken up a month later in a hospital bed with a missing eye." Harry takes a moment to compose himself. 

"I had to stay there for a month while they did check ups on me. I desperately wanted to send a message to the HQ, Merlin, and most importantly you - to let you know I wasn't dead. I couldn't, because it would of blown my cover."

Eggsy stays silent. He stands there, staring at the older man. Even though he has an eyepatch, even though he's scarred, even though he's a complete fucking mess right now, Eggsy still finds him beautiful. 

"I should be so fuckin' mad at you right now," Eggsy says. "Every day I visited your grave, I sat there for hours... Fuckin' hours, begging for you to come back. And here you are, standing right in front of me." He takes a step closer to Harry, who flinches. Noticing this, Eggsy moves slower, more carefully, as to not frighten him. 

He slowly sits in the chair opposite his desk and rests his hands on his elbows. His mind is still somewhat hazy but he can just about think now. Harry also sits down, scrunching his face in pain. There's no way Eggsy can be angry at a man as broken as Harry is right now. 

He holds out his hand across the desk, gesturing for Harry to take his hand. Harry takes his hand, squeezing it as hard as he can.

"I missed you so much, Haz." Eggsy whimpers, sniffing. "So fuckin' much..."

"I missed you too, my dear boy." Harry cries, wincing from his pain. "All I could think about was you."

Eggsy strokes his hand over Harry's cheek and wipes his tears away. He wants nothing more right now than to just lean across the desk and have a long, warm embrace with him. Oh, how he wants him. 

He decides to try it anyway. What's the worst that can happen?

To his surprise, Harry joins, running his shaking hand through Eggsy's hair. His lips feel so right against his. Like they were meant for each other. He grabs Harry, and hugs him as hard as he can without hurting him.

"It's okay, I'm here now, you're here now." He sobs. "I've got you. You're safe now. I won't let anything happen to you again. I-I love you."

"I love you too, always." Harry replies.


End file.
